Mind Virus E-Zine


Archive for September, 2011

“I’m Eating My Lunch . . .”

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011


As most of you know, you can often tell A LOT about people by the way they talk to you over the phone. In my case, I render final judgment (yes – just from a phone call).

A physician sent my company an email about six months back, basically telling us about something he didn’t like with about one of my recent presentations at a convention he had attended. What was rather amusing was that his issue was actually with another speaker. He was screaming (in his email) at the wrong guy!

We contacted this individual and in a very nice way, explained the error of his ways. Alas, he responded with even more rage – reaffirming his position that the person with whom he took issue was me – Dr. Marc.

About two months went by when – out of the blue, we were contacted by a representative from the company owned by the gentleman who had called me a slew of not-so-nice ¬†four letter words. This “gentleman’s” company wanted to hire me to help create a new strategy before recreating his brand, expanding his social media presence, etc.

Rather than having one of my staff tell this guy where to go, I decided to rob them of the pleasure, and address the matter personally (LOL). Sooo…I gave this guy a call. His secretary (administrative assistant) answered and asked me to hold. So I held…and held…and held. Normally my policy is to hold for 15 seconds and then hang up. But I was so ramped up that I held…and held…and held.

Finally, the guy picks up and says, “Dr. Marc – BUDDY, hey – I’m eating my lunch right now. I’ll call you back in 15 minutes. Good? Thanks. Ciao!”¬†

As I put down the phone, I went through a series of micro-steps that I teach my Headspace audiences (and will be teaching at HEADSPACE 2012 this coming Spring). About 40 minutes later, I receive a return call.

“Dr. Marc, how the heck are you? You know – your girl was right, you WEREN’T the guy who made the comments that I responded to when I sent you those emails. Sorry about that. Bad day. Anyway, we want to hire your company. A few of my colleagues love you and they say that you are the only guy. And after seeing what you did for them, we know that you are the only one for the job.”


“Jerry, a few things. Let me just say that I am going to talk and you are going to listen. If you interrupt me, I will hang up. Okay. FIRST…your emails didn’t bother me because of your language. I actually enjoy using those words. Your emails bothered me because you shot first – without even looking at the target. Even after we corrected you, you continued on like an asshole.”

“SECOND…you obviously have no respect for my staff. The term “girl” is fitting for a young female, but not appropriate for the brilliant women who work for my company.”

“THIRD…and this is pretty big: Any “man” who has to sit down, eat a lunch, and not take my call over said lunch, is a pussy. A BIG pussy. Soooo…I will not be working with your company…EVER!”

“You have shown me a vivid picture of who it is that I would be working with. You may get away with being King Sh*t in your little world, but in my world, your lower than the stank from a steamy pile of poop that’s been sitting in a dry toilet bowl of a deserted gas station. Get the picture?”

“Here’s what I would like you to do: I want you to call all your friends and tell them what a prick I am. Oh, but wait, all of your friends actually LOVE me! Darn! There is no amount of apology that I will accept. I lack the ‘forgiveness gene,’ thus, you will be taking your business elsewhere. F you very much and have a wonderful day!”


What tripped my trigger more than anything else was the “I’m eating my lunch” comment. When the Dark Lord calls you (that would be ME), I don’t give a sh*t if you’re doing the nasty. Wipe off your junk and get your ass to the telephone.

You can always tell who’s failing in life. They always have time for lunch! Food is sustenance – regardless of what any of these “foodie” shows have you believing. Side Note: The fact that people pay astronomical amounts of money for something that they are going to sh*t out in 12 hours is pathetic, but to make ME (or anyone else for that matter) wait while they have their little tea party (aka LUNCH), is ultra-pathetic.

If you own your business and you are taking a lunch break, then let me be the first person to congratulate you on being an idiot. Congratulations! Unless you’re Donald Trump, you don’t have time for lunch.

Entrepreneurs who “do lunch” are either FAILING or on their way to FAILURE. Oh sure, there ARE some exceptions (there always are), but they are few and far between. Those who are employees LOVE long lunches. That’s why they will always sign the back of the check and never the front.

Why make a big deal about “lunch”?

Well…people who put other things aside so that they can enjoy their lunch, are often the same folks who vacuum their office and get things perfect before taking on a larger task. They are procrastinators and excuse makers. The lunch thing is just the tip of the iceberg that has broken through the surface. Just below the surface is a mountain of worthlessness, which – if that mountain could speak, would say, “I am going nowhere FAST…I am going nowhere FAST…I am going NOWHERE fast.”

Think about it.

Have A GREAT Day!

…Dr. Marc & The Mind Virus Team