Mind Virus E-Zine
ISNNSA

DR. MARC'S BLOG

Archive for March, 2016

Relationships

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016

 

Relationships, whether personal or professional, are fragile. If that were not the case, there would be no divorce, no arguments, no family quarrels, no work conflicts….nada zippo, zilch.

I am CLEARLY not a relationship expert (lol), but I do KNOW this: Communication in a relationship is not something that simply appears. The most successful relationships (the ones that last) – whether personal or in business, are the ones that begin with a crafting of communication.

What I often see is relationship advice being dished out by those who have a history of poor relationships. That’s like suggesting that you’ll get clean drinking water out of a contaminated faucet. If you’ve gone through a divorce, are having internal family issues, have problems at work (having a difficult time relating to your employees or co-workers) or whatever challenges you’ve faced with respect to relationships – and you are dishing out advice, then the advice is very likely to be fragmented. That is the ONLY reasonable conclusion.

For the moment, let’s assume that ALL OF US have had communication issues, and NONE OF US are in the position to REALLY dish out advice (including yours truly). We know that we care about others in our world, but due to circumstances – things have gone awry. Life is short, and every moment wasted is, well, wasted. To the point, if we care about someone special in our world, the intelligent thing to do – even if mistakes have been made, is to start with a fresh piece of paper and spend 99% of the time EXAMINING how each individual communicates.

Rehashing doesn’t solve anything.

Solutions solve everything.

For a person to suggest (whether on the personal or business side of life) that a relationship shouldn’t involve “work,” is something that lacks validity. In fact, the BEST relationships are a result of the greatest amount of initial effort. It’s really no different than raising a child or building a home. If you want your child to turn into an awesome young lady or young man, you have to put in a lot of effort. It doesn’t just happen. Want a great home? Wonderful. It begins with a great blueprint, which takes time and effort.

Any successful relationship involves work. THAT is how a relationship becomes successful. Ask any successful couple how they’ve remained together in a truly happy relationship, and they will likely tell you that they started out with a constant dialogue so that the other person in the relationship was never “guessing” what the other was thinking…feeling…or expecting.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how much life experience you’ve had, no one – and I mean NO ONE is the all-knowing “oracle” when it comes to communication. In fact, the ones who most often volunteer their “impressive” knowledge specific to relationships, are often the folks who have a history of relationship “challenges.” Coincidentally, their history of errors was never their fault. Just ask them.

I am NOT a perfect communicator.

I ALWAYS make a daily effort to be and do better.

I do know this: In any relationship, if the ingredients are THERE for something great (whether personal or in business), then the next question is HOW do we use these ingredients to create something INCREDIBLE.

More often than not, the ingredients are there for a successful relationship. However, what is often lacking is the ideal recipe. That recipe begins with communication…so that NO ONE is ever trying to figure out what the other is thinking, what the other wants, and what the other expects. Remember, guessing is for game shows – not for relationships.

Have A GREAT Day!

….Dr. Marc